How to Talk to Your Parents About Estate Planning

As you may know, a solid estate plan is imperative if one wants their assets to be distributed according to their wishes after they pass. Without a plan in place, probate will take control of one’s assets, deciding who gets what. This can quickly become an expensive, emotional, and conflicting process for all family members.

Because you love and want to protect your parents, it makes sense to want the best for them. The last thing you want is to see their hard-earned assets go to those who they wouldn’t have wanted as heirs.

Bringing up the topic of estate planning with your parents, though, can be intimidating. Let us help guide you on how to begin that conversation and what to say.

Why Start the Conversation Now

It’s never too early to start a conversation about estate planning with your parents. And guess what? It’s not just about where their belongings will go when they die. It’s also about who will take care of them if they become incapacitated.

An estate plan can designate a trusted person to manage an incapacitated person’s finances, make medical decisions for them, and have access to their vital documentation.

Ultimately, an estate plan can give one great peace of mind. Not only will their wishes be granted after they pass away, but they will be cared for if they become disabled.

And let’s be fair: estate planning takes time and work. So, why not get it started sooner rather than later? The more time that goes by, the more one may oppose to getting it done. At some point, it could even be too late to start.

Reasons Families Put Off Estate Planning Conversations

Understandably, there are several reasons why one might delay an estate planning conversation with their parents:

  • Find the topic too morbid or upsetting

  • Don’t want to offend their parents

  • Lack a close relationship with their parents

  • Feel like it’s “not their place” to tell their parents what to do

  • Fear that it will be too much work for their parents

  • Don’t want their parents to think they feel entitled to their assets out of greed and selfishness

  • Worried about making their parents feel “old” or putting thoughts of death in their heads

  • Cultural circumstances that make discussing personal finances a taboo topic

While this conversation is never easy, it’s best to start it now than to wait. It can make all the difference for everyone involved.

How to Approach the Conversation

Starting a serious conversation with parents about estate planning should be done at the right time. Do it at a time when your loved ones are calm, in private, and not doing something particularly important.

Begin by bringing up your own estate planning process. Slowly ease into how you want to make sure that they, too, also have a plan in place. Be gentle and non-judgmental, and come from an understanding perspective. Listen to your parents without interrupting or turning a blind eye.

Topics to Bring Up

There are some specific topics you may want to discuss, such as:

  • Whether or not they currently have a will or trust

  • When was the last time they amended their estate plan, if they have one? (An outdated plan can be just as bad as having no plan at all!)

  • Do they have a power of attorney?

  • Do they have an executor or trustee?

  • Their healthcare wishes

  • Where they have their most important documents

It’s important to keep in mind that some of this information your parents may not want to provide. Be mindful and respectful, not prying or demanding of information. The goal should be to make sure they’re solid, not to get every detail.

Helping Your Parents with Estate Planning

If your parents like the idea of estate planning but feel overwhelmed, offering to help might be the very thing they need to move forward.

Consider helping your parents find the right estate planning attorney or financial advisor. Help them gather and organize all the paperwork they need. Keep them on track throughout the process, outlining all the steps to take until the process is complete. Most of all, be there for them when they run into an issue or need a bit of motivation.

What to Do if Your Parents Oppose Estate Planning

There’s always the possibility that your parents won’t listen to you. Even if you come from a warm and loving place, they may take offence to your conversation, which can push them even further from estate planning.

Here’s some advice in this scenario:

  • Offer to attend an appointment with an estate planning attorney with them.

  • Discuss the circumstances that could happen if they don’t have a plan.

  • Talk about real-life stories that have happened when estate planning was never done.

  • Have them watch a video on estate planning and its importance.

  • Write them a handwritten letter asking them again.

  • Bring up the conversation again in person at a later time - without being aggressive.

  • Respect their final decision. Ultimately, it’s up to them to come up with a plan, if at all.

Final Thoughts

Estate planning is no joke. But, sadly, most American adults don’t have a trust or will in place. Some claim not to have the time or resources to get one done. Others don’t believe in the importance of estate planning in general.

Since you want what’s best for your parents, getting them to consider estate planning is crucial. An informative, respectful, gentle, and patient conversation with your parents can go a long way when approaching this topic.

Contact us today for a free estate planning consultation.